Being called 'Ronnie' from Jersey Shore is NOT a compliment.

Unless you live in Jersey Shore or if you’re really into juiced up, drunk guys, being called Ronnie is not a compliment. Also, attempting to force kisses onto girls in public on a Sunday evening is also probably a sign that you need to put down the spiked juice box. The Hulk and his friend, Mellow Guy, invited Salli and Coley, a mutual friend, to join their table. In my defense, I worked until about 10pm that night, and was told to come to Hand in Hand because of the ‘interesting’ people that my counterparts had been met. I assumed this was a good interesting, not a ha-ha-look-at-the-drunk-guy-that-could-easily-crush-us-with-his-eye-ball-muscles interesting. Once there, I knew we had to jump ship, or rather, patio table. Conveniently, next to our table was a table with three handsome intriguing looking men.

Not from Jersey,

June

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Hand in Hand quickly became our Sunday mingling watering hole, and we were never disappointed with the stories we came away with.  One particular Sunday, we met an interesting group of guys at the table next to us.  They consisted of a bunch of nice looking, older southern gentlemen, and one Super-Juiced King of the Douches.  It was an intriguing combo, so naturally, when they asked us to join them, I obliged.  The decent guys slowly peeled off, and we were left with one decent, but older one.  And then there was the Hulk Man.  
I tried being sarcastic to the point that he would be either give up and walk away, or his head would explode (I was secretly hoping for the latter, although I wasn’t keen on the idea of being splattered with mush and hair gel).  But OF COURSE that didn’t happen.  He became head over heels obsessed with my quick wit and ball-busting comebacks, so enthralled that he continuously tried kissing me.  I kept insisting that I don’t (I mean DON’T) do P.D.A., but he kept trying to push himself on me.  Finally, I went to the bathroom and abandoned the situation. 


Not impressed with your forced slobber,


Salli


...Have you met us? 

Precious Yinzer (Dark Horse)

I don’t know what it is with uncontrollable loads of hungry and late night drinking. There has to be a scientific explanation for this (this question is up for grabs…Bueller? Bueller?) Coley, one of our mutual friends, on this particular night had her heart set on one thing: a large Dominoes pizza. First off, their ads are great. Admitting that your product is shit, and then inviting everybody to test your new product was pretty ballsy.

ANYWAY. The selection of guys was alright-- we did end up meeting two fellows: Precious and Yinz that seemed nice and respectable. They told us about some more mature, classier things to do around town (What? Dark Horse isn't classy??), such as the High Museum. I've got to go to soon-- at least before Dali rewaxes his mustache.  

Digging the stache,

June

Have you met us?